Getting young children ready in the mornings may feel as exhausting as running a marathon. It can be especially challenging when they are reluctant to go to daycare/preschool/kindergarten. Trying to get them dressed, fed and out the door on time, all while navigating conversations about why school is important and how we all have to do things we don’t want to do sometimes, is stressful and frustrating.
For many children, big transitions between home and school are very tough. I think the true test of whether the child is happy in their daycare or preschool is what you see when you pick them up. Are they are calm and engaged? Are they playing with other kids? In that case, perhaps it’s that morning transition between home and school that’s the tricky part.
So, after much trial and error, I’ve come up with some of my own strategies and borrowed some from parenting experts, which make my morning routine run a bit more smoothly.
Keep your cool
This one is the most important for me. While children may cry, scream and kick, my number one goal is to stay calm. Yelling, getting visibly frustrated and worked up only makes things worse and prolongs the tantrum.
In the words of parenting guru Janet Lansbury, we need to be confident leaders for our children. They take their social cues from us and while we cannot make them calm, we can model calm behavior.
Also, pushing back does not lead to cooperation. Rather, as Dr. Becky Kennedy advises, the best thing to do is to acknowledge and validate your kid’s words and feelings. Sometimes, instead of engaging in a power struggle, it may be as simple as repeating back to them, “I understand, you don’t want to go to school.” They may just want to be heard.
Talk the night before
Trying to figure out why my child is reluctant to go to school and persuading them otherwise, in the heat of the moment and while the clock is ticking in the mornings, almost never works.
I find that the time in the evenings, right before bed, lends itself to calm and productive conversations. Maybe there is an issue at school that I might try to solve, or maybe it could be difficulty making the transition between the home and school environment. Whatever it is, I have higher chances of finding out the problem the night before, rather than in the heat of the moment. Not only is it beneficial for the parent, but also for the child, to voice their fears and anxieties and talk through them. This one is crucial – it helps build trust and for children to learn to express themselves and share tidbits about their day.
Focus on the ‘here and now’
In my experience, it’s not helpful to talk about something exciting we will do after school or in a few days, to motivate kids to go to school. Their concept of time is different from adults’ and a few hours may seem interminable. Talk of an activity with family and friends sometime in the future may even further deter a child from wanting to go to school.
Instead, I bring their attention to their favorite part of the day at school, like going to the playground or doing arts and crafts. If there is a fun event happening at school that day, I talk it up.
Find a good reason
A card for a teacher, a sheet of stickers to pass out to friends, a fun new outfit, a yummy snack or a favorite toy for show-and-share could get kids excited about going to school. Of course, these are not long-term solutions and I would need to come up with a new “reason” each time, but sometimes it’s just the quick fix to get my kids out the door.
Rip the band aid
Finally, it’s important to leave quickly. Long, drawn-out goodbyes only make matters worse and send the message to your child about your own anxiety. In my experience, the sooner I leave, the sooner my child switches gears and focuses on the task at hand – getting ready for snack or circle time.
I highly recommend these two podcasts: Becky Kennedy’s Good Inside and Janet Lansbury’s Unruffled for all things parenting.
Alexandra (Sasha) Schwank 